The Ghanaian man during courtship and after marriage

Since the history of humanity men are known to be skilful hunters. A good hunter does all he can to capture his prey. If he has to go to the thick forest deep at night, stand still for hours, kneel or crawl on his belly he will do so till he captures his prey.

Men have kept their instinct to hunt but have now shifted their focus to hunting for women.

A Ghanaian man will do all it takes to capture a woman he loves. He gives plenty of gifts and will patiently wait for his woman. He calls often and sends mails often.

He is prepared to stay away from work just to be with his lover. He takes his woman out often and gives her no breathing space as he keeps his foot on the pedal.

It is also known that a Ghanaian woman will attempt to run away from a potential lover whether she loves him or not. If she is not interested she will flee for her dear life. If she is interested she plays hard to get by running but just enough to be captured.

After the capture

After a capture, a hunter loses his motivation to hunt and has no need to crawl or stand on end for a captured prey. He simply bundles his kill into a sack or carries it around his neck to exhibit his trophy.

In the same way if a man captures his woman and marries her he loses his motivation to do what he did during the hunt.

In his mind he thinks if the little things like fun and simple activities pleased his woman during the hunt then after marriage he must do greater things to impress her.

Imagine a man in romantic courtship for two years. He made time for his woman, went out almost every day with her and did all to please her. Their courtship was simply exciting.

However, soon after the wedding everything ceased and when the woman complained he asked a simple question: “Have you ever seen a politician campaigning after winning an election?”

After marriage a Ghanaian husband shifts his attention completely to himself and work. First he suppresses his emotions.

In Ghana a man is expected to be strong and not show emotions such as romantically expressing his love. Akans say ‘barima nsu’ or a man is not expected to weep or express his emotions.

A Ghanaian man loves his wife but hardly shows it. He sees her lovely hairdo, beautiful dress and make up and pretends not to notice it even when deep inside he admires his woman a great deal.

He tries to separate his behaviour and emotions. By suppressing his emotions, a Ghanaian man thinks he makes himself unpredictable and in control of his relationship.

Secondly, his focus is to work hard, put food on the table and take care of his family. He finds great emotional fulfilment as he pays for the bills, buys things for his lover and gives her a comfortable home. This is what the Ghanaian husband sees as romance.

The problem

The two most important emotional needs of a woman are companionship and affection. Many Ghanaian wives get frustrated because they hardly find their men at home.

Many get worried, jealous, lonely and insecure in the midst of plenty at home. She nags and asks if the man still loves her. He in turn gets angry and complains she does not appreciate all he does for her.

A husband wants to take credit for his woman’s happiness. If a woman complains a man thinks he is a failure and decides to stay away longer and work harder to bring more. The more you complain the more he is likely to ignore you.

The solution

Ghanaian women must appreciate that work is very important to a man’s self-esteem. He must be successful at work before he can be a good leader and provider at home.

Asking him to show his early romantic ways is like asking him to climb down the ladder. He wants to focus on his work to provide for you. You will lose if you try to get between your man and his work.

Ghanaian men must appreciate that for a woman, nothing is more important than the affection and companionship you give her. Whatever you achieve at work may not count if it destroys the health of your marriage.

Take your work seriously but take your marriage more seriously because marriage is the greatest human investment and the greatest gift of our Maker.

You must be a good husband to be successful at work. In fact, a study made in the United States about the 500 most successful men in America showed almost all had long and happy marriages.

The message is simple; work is important and so is marriage. They affect each other. Therefore don’t attempt to choose between the two. Instead draw a good balance between them.

Be a good worker (at work) and a sweet lover at home.

Source: Dr. John Boakye

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